Today's Humor: Dog...Owl...Bill...Pill

Pet Owner:  "Every time a bell rings my dog goes and sits in the corner."

Veterinarian:  "That's perfectly normal; he is a boxer."

A wise old owl sat on an oak, the more he saw the less he spoke; the less he spoke the more he heard.

There is a pill for every ill, and a bill for every pill.

The rich invest; the smart investigate.

If a giraffe had a sore throat, how many lozenges would it need to make it feel better?

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Have a great day everyone!

Coffee News, Wylie Edition Jan. 2012

On The Lighter Side #9: Color In Your Cheeks

What is the difference between inventory and money?
- Money is the stuff you can get rid of.

A husband is someone who is under the impression that he "bosses" the house, when in reality, he "houses" the boss.

Middle age is when narrow waist and the broad mind begin to change places.

Mother: "Eat your spinach. It will put color in your cheeks."
Son: "Who wants green cheeks?"

Doctors keep telling us to get lots of fresh air, but they never tell us where to find it.

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Hope these made you smile today :)

Thanks to Coffee News, Fort Worth 9/21/09

On The Lighter Side #7: Bilingual, Chi, Success

If at first you do not succeed, call it Version 1.0

A dog applied for a job with the foreign service and passed all the exams easily. "You will need to show you are bilingual, said the interviewer, "Miaow! said the dog.

Seek out the road to success, but do not be surprised if you find it is still under construction.

Chinese medicine is based in the principle that the body is charged wit hlife energy, called chi. That is why chihuahuas bark so much.

What is the difference between one yard and two yards? A fence.

Obey gravity! It is the law.

Coffee News June 12, 2009

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On The Lighter Side #8: What Is The Purpose?

Warning of children's cough medicine: 'Do not drive car of operate machinery.'

Criticism would not be so hard to take if it were not so often right.

How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but wearable."

The purpose of child's middle name is so he can tell when he is really in trouble.

Be happy with what you have. If you spend your life looking for greener pastures, you might find you are too old to climb the fence.

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On The Lighter Side #5: Personal Matters

The length of a film should be directly related to the the endurance of the human bladder.

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.

Consider the postage, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: bananosecond.

Learn from the past - Live for today - Look for tomorrow - Take a nap this afternoon!

Take care of your body, it is the only place you have to live.

Coffee News July 4, 2008

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On the Lighter Side #3: Duckumentaries, Screwdriver, Flat Minor

What do ducks do on television? Duckumentaries.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Does the screwdriver belong to Philip?

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

Coffee News September 19, 2008

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On The Lighter Side #2: Heavy Questions, Light Answers

The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

Daylight Savings Time - why do they save it and where do they keep it?

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the dirt, and cross the road again? Because he was dirty, double crosser.

How do you keep cool at a football match? Sit by a fan.

Coffee News, September 5, 2008

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